Good Morning Humans,
Today marks the first day of First Grade for our oldest.
I love the feeling of ‘Back to School’ time. There is so much excitement for the new — new grade, teacher, challenges, and sometimes the feeling of just approaching the end of a season and turning a new leaf. I guess it could be compared to New Years Day– but you know– in August.
And much like when you go to make New Year Resolutions- and ‘New Year New Me’ mantras this time of year has some of us reflecting on how we are showing up, changes that need made, what to start doing, what to stop doing, and where if any we need to refocus and readjust.
Which brings me to this confession: I have not been showing up as I would hope lately. Now before I tell you areas where I am currently resetting my goals, visions, and habits- let me say that the longer you are on a healthy lifestyle- when you do go of course- you are able to turn things around, make a change, or stear back faster, smoother, and with that engrained accountability before you know it you are back on track.
Stress is a driving factor when I reach for vices- whether that be crap tv, crap food, booze, scrolling my phone, and all the other things I am guilty of indulging in when I feel overwhelmed.
After many years in treatment for Lyme Disease- I would argue my husband’s current protocol is the roughest yet- we have endured plans that were harder on my husband physically than this- but when we started the Dr. said one of the supplements he would be taking was basically ‘PMS in a pill’ (no joke- he literally said that) to which we both were of course overjoyed to hear- so this one by far is the hardest emotionally on him, me, and our marriage. This is also a good time to share: that I am a recovering Codependent spouse meaning when my husband is down-doesn’t feel well- or struggling— I go in to ‘Fix It’ mode and when something’s like this can’t be fixed- I subconsciously match his down mood- his not feeling well- and I find myself struggling too. This combined with our son having daily nightmares, restless sleep, and irritability during the day due to lack of sleep at night and later finding out he suffers from a form of sleep apnea caused by tongue thrust, mouth breathing, and small airway to which we are currently starting a program to help alleviate remedy over the months and years to come as his jaw isn’t fully formed yet .. all of this caused this lady some stress and anxiety.
Unfortunately self sabotage arrived in these moments and rather than making my situation better I made it worse by reaching for things I know aren’t good for me- booze, internet scrolling, sugar, staying up late, crap tv, and stuffing my feelings down vs getting them out with exercise, journaling, therapy, gardening, meditation, reading, writing, self care, and all the other ways I’ve discovered and added to my arsenal.
The reason for sharing: the message in my shortcomings is a line from my favorite quote
“I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”
So this is me starting over again. Back to the basics- drinking the dang water, eating the salad, sweeting out the bad vibes and worry, early bed times, communicating my needs, pouring the booze out, being present, and getting back in to the mindset of gratitude and finding positivity even in the storm.
If you find yourself in the same boat- the summer is nearly over and maybe you spent money that you were saving for vacation- it’s okay girl we got this start today put that $ in a jar vs Starbucks cash draw. Maybe you were in a groove running- until you missed that one day because it rained- and it’s been a month and you haven’t touched your running shoes– it’s okay maam’ lace them things up and walk today if you can’t run. Or maybe you have been yelling after your promised yourself you would be patient and listen vs react- I hear you- I get you- I see you- and let’s get back to the you that you are proud of- it is in there.
Back to the basics- back to the good stuff- We can do this– Fall 9 times- Get up 10 sister!
No amount of worry will change the future.
No amount of regret will change the past.
Let’s focus on rocking today- because that’s all we are guaranteed.
That’s all until next time.